Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
