Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Text me some of your sweat
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