i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
