Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
