Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
