Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
