I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
