no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
