i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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