Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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