Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
