I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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