i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
