At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
