Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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