so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i drank out of a bidet.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
