So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
