I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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