I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
