I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
