OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
