no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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