you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
