First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
do herpes really smell.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
