You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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