I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
