My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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