You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
