i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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