I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
