Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
