so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
