I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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