we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
