three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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