walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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