Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
