Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
