We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
