please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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