I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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