she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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