Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
