my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
