i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My cat gives me a boner
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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