i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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