my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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