Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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