i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
