I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
