i wish there were pregnant emoticons
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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