I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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