Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
