Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
