He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
